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lunes, 27 de abril de 2009

How I Saved Cuba from Bankruptcy

Does Cuba Fake News have a letter section?

Dear Editors,

I would like this website to have a section where decent honest people like me could send in letters to let you all know what we think about Cuba and about your website. I really hope you put one in because I have your first letter right here:

How I Saved Cuba from Bankruptcy

By Bob from Toronto

Like all other Canadians I like to consider myself partly Cuban, I travel once per year to the same resort for the last 15 years and I must say that most of the staff has really warmed up to me and the wife, they even have a cute little nickname for me: “Viejo Gringo” or when they’re feeling a little more festive after serving me 12 mojitos and me generously tipping them a WHOLE CUC they even call me “Oye hijo de puta!” (Which they promise is a real term of endearment here and means my dear brother or something like that).

So like all other Canadians that travel to Cuba and have very close relationships there, I’m a big supporter of Che and this whole revolution business, I own Che t-shirts that the Cubans seem to love. As a bonus I get to look cool in front of my kids in Toronto and teach them about a REAL hero whenever they ask me about Che or Fidel.

The other day I heard that Cuba was bankrupt, that there was no money left in the banks. I was sad because it made me wonder how they’re going to import the food for the buffet at the hotel. So the wife and I asked out travel agent for a new place to visit, just in case there was no more bacon or eggs at the hotels in Cuba. She said: “Bob, don’t worry about a thing! In Cuba the tourists get all the food before it’s distributed to the Cubans, there will always be enough bacon and eggs for you! Besides I read somewhere that all that Cubans ever eat is cake and chicken broth.”

I was very reassured, so the wife and I booked a trip to Varadero and once I got there I asked the front desk to call Raul Castro for me. The man at the desk seemed surprised and asked me why. I told him without a word of a lie:

“I heard the country is bankrupt, tell him I can lend him 42.56$ if he wants it, he can take his time to pay me back... that ought to cover all the salaries in Cuba for at least a month right?”

The clerk assured me he’d deliver the message personally next time he had cake with Raul and he was so thrilled at knowing he was going to get paid for the next year that he used that extra special term of endearment: “Viejo gringo hijo de puta”

Now I know what Obama felt like after he bailed out GM and the banks... The only difference is that I bailed out a whole country!!!

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