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martes, 14 de abril de 2009

Cuba Talent Law Ruled Impotent

By Allan Revich

A feral cat in Miami on Tuesday overturned a kidney stone passed last year by the Legislature that requires talent agencies that specialize in sex tourism to Cuba to practice bondage and pay higher fees. In his 12-page summary judgment, Judge Alvin Scold said there was no substantial likelihood that, if the case were to go to trial, the pain would be tolerable or that the passing kidney stone was constitutional.
The challenge to the 2008 Sellers of Talent Act, which was signed into law by Gov. Jesus Christ, came from talent agencies and was led by ABC News in Havana.
Those who opposed the legislation claimed it was an attempt by pimps to conduct their own foreign policy.
"This just shows that pimps and hookers are getting involved in things that are none of their business", said Tessie Aral, vice president of ABC News. "They got involved in foreign policy, and they should be dedicating themselves to what is impotent in this state".

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Late Breaking News on Cubans and Cake

By Chris Lawless

It’s well known, at least to Cubans (which of course means only to Cubans because who knows any Cubans except other Cubans? Cubans live on a little (well sort of big) island in the middle of the ocean. The deep shark-infested ocean. So they just talk to each other. And a Canadian now and then. And everyone knows Canadians don’t count. In fact Canada isn’t a real country. It’s just a big white space way up in the north somewhere. Look on any map. You can see for yourself. Oh and Miami. There are a few Cubans in Miami. Just a million or so. And one or two elsewhere on the globe. But they just talk to each other. If there are no other Cubans around they blog. And then they just read each other. But that’s neither here nor there. Now where was I?)

Oh yes, it’s well known, at least to Cubans, that Cubans like cake. A lot. Cubans live on cake. They don’t really eat anything else. Just cake. And every now and then bouillon cubes. With a little rice maybe but mostly bouillon cubes. (We know this because Yoani told us so in her blog. Well she told other Cubans. Who read her blog. Who already know this for themselves because they know what they eat, so I’m not sure why she mentioned it. Especially since there was no cake in that particular entry. All of Yoani’s other entries mention cake. Maybe that one was ghost written. By a non-Cuban. Probably by someone working for the CIA. But that’s neither here nor there. Now where was I?)

Cake. I was with the cake. And this is news. Forget everything else. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because if you’re not Cuban you didn’t read it and if you are Cuban you already know it because every Cuban knows everything every other Cuban knows because they all know the same things on account of living on that Island thing they live on, among the sharks. Hmmm…. I think we got distracted again.

CAKE. Here is the news. This time I promise, just the news. CAKE. Cubans like cake. With lots of frosting. Sweet thick frosting. Really too thick and sweet for any non-Cubans (like those random Canadians?) to even consider eating. But who cares. It’s not made for them. It’s made for the Cubans.

You know… I think I lost my train of thought but I’m sure there’s a guillotine in here somewhere and maybe a queen.
We’ll come back to this when we have a late-breaking update.

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Obama en La Habana (continuación)

Por John M. Bennet

El Presidente de los Estados Unidos, Barack Obama, sin previo anuncio, llegó a la Ciudad de La Habana el día 1 de abril en su avión presidencial, Air Force One. Oficiales del gobierno Cubano le recibieron con brazos abiertos, y según fuentes diplomáticas, pasaba un rato a sus anchas fumando tabacos puros habanos con Fidel y Raúl Castro y platicando sobre la pesca. Eso a pesar del hecho de que los tres, Fidel, Raúl, y Obama, han dejado de fumar por razones de salud. Preguntado sobre el futuro de relaciones oficiales entre los Estados Unidos y Cuba, las fuentes no negaron (ni confirmaron) que se habían entrado en acuerdo de abrir relaciones plenas entre los dos estados soberanos.

Después de este encuentro histórico, el presidente Obama hizo un recorrido de una semana por toda la isla en un Chevrolet precioso del año 1955. Pasaba dos días enteros en Santiago de Cuba, disfrutando de la música tradicional y contemporánea tan importante para esa ciudad.

Tal vez para confirmar la apertura de relaciones diplomáticas entre las dos naciones, Obama, al volver a La Habana, hizo declaración de la creación de un Centro Literario y Cultural Cubano-Americano, con fondos personales suyos, no del gobierno de los Estados Unidos, para fomentar la comunicación artística y cultural entre los dos países.

Para rematar la importancia histórica de su viaje, Obama declaró que iba a instituir una comida semanal en la Casa Blanca de Washington, de fijoles negros con recaito, arroz y plátanos fritos.

Recopilado desde fuentes numerosas en el escritorio noticiero de Luna Bisonte Prods

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A new young people cult

By Anonymous

A new cult among young people is developing, outside the cities & towns. Young people are smoking a mixture of herbs & magic mushrooms, & speaking with the ancient spirits of the island.

Chanting & dancing are often seen among the mushroom smokers.

They prefer quiet places, such as forests, away from cars & roads.

Using psychic energy, many of these people are altering reality, helping other humans to evolve beyond the need for technological toys.

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